THE STORY – When a villain kidnaps Santa Claus from the North Pole, an E.L.F. (Extremely Large and Formidable) operative joins forces with the world’s most accomplished tracker to find him and save Christmas.
THE CAST – Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, Lucy Liu, J. K. Simmons, Kiernan Shipka, Bonnie Hunt, Reinaldo Faberlle, Kristofer Hivju & Nick Kroll
THE TEAM – Jake Kasdan (Director) & Chris Morgan (Writer)
THE RUNNING TIME – 123 Minutes
It’s finally Fall, which means it’s time for Christmas cheer to infect every corner of our lives for the next two months at least. “Red One,” the latest exercise in brand extension from Amazon’s newly revitalized MGM Studios, desperately wants its audience in a cheerful mood, ready to enjoy a rollicking good time with its wisecracking cast as Captain America, The Rock, and Lucy Liu join forces to save Christmas, in the body of a surprisingly ripped Santa Claus played by none other than J. Jonah Jameson himself. It’s not just the casting that calls to mind the glut of superhero cinema that has sought to remake all film and television in its image, but the tone, which desperately longs to be as quippy and dense with mythology as any new Marvel or DC film. Despite some clever, fun visual ideas, the film feels like it’s going through the motions, hoping to coast to massive profits by doing the bare minimum at every turn.
As a kid, Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans) always knew that Santa Claus wasn’t real. He could see through the lies told by the adults around him and could always find anyone’s hidden stash of Christmas presents. Now, he’s a lone wolf tracker working for the highest bidder, avoiding contact with his son Dylan (Wesley Kimmel) at all costs so as not to be a bad influence. Unbeknownst to him, his most recent client hired him to find the entrance to Santa’s workshop at the North Pole, a techno metropolis powered by the big man (J.K. Simmons) himself (it takes a lot of energy to deliver so many millions of presents in one evening, after all). When Santa goes missing, Zoe Harlow (Liu) of the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority (MORA) finds Jack and sets him on a mission to find him alongside Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson), the North Pole’s head of Enforcement, Logistics, and Fortification (E.L.F. for short). Cal, who has grown weary of how adults treat Christmas these days, was going to retire after years of feeling less and less of the Christmas spirit around him, and he’s not happy about working with the cynical – and worse than that, human – Jack. But he agrees, bringing along the latest in toymaking technology and magic as he and Jack search the globe, including the castle homestead of Santa’s brother Krampus (Kristofer Hivju). Will either of them be able to feel the Christmas spirit again?
Of course, that’s a rhetorical question. This is a Christmas movie, and thus, we all know it’s going to end on an uplifting note that reaffirms good Christian values. However, that expected nature is only one reason among many that “Red One” feels so unexciting to watch. Chris Morgan and Hiram Garcia’s screenplay gets points for some clever ideas, like a trio of snowmen henchmen equipped with swords that will instantly put anyone on ice, a supersonic sleigh, and giant living Rock’ Em Sock’ Em Robots, but under the direction of Jake Kasdan, nothing makes a lasting impression; there’s the initial rush of enjoyment whenever the film throws out one of these things, but Kasdan doesn’t really do anything with them, presenting them as just another obstacle for our heroes to overcome. Whether it’s the average-bordering-on-poor visual effects, the sludgy, dark cinematography, the uninspired action choreography, or a combination of all three, nothing here gets the pulse racing. The ideas have a spark to them that’s missing from the execution, as every major setpiece in the film drags. The film keeps yelling at the audience to have fun, but it doesn’t look like anyone on screen is particularly enjoying themselves (outside of Hivju, living it up in his ancient goat-man prosthetics). The film’s humor doesn’t even land consistently, with Johnson spending the majority of the film as a humorless stick in the mud and Evans given nothing to do but express his constant surprise at each new mythological being and magic toy. The rest of the cast has even less to do, although they dutifully provide enough big-screen charisma to keep you watching.
In the days leading up to its release, many online have expressed confusion that “Red One” is a theatrical release, given how much it looks and feels like a film designed for streaming. Those people aren’t necessarily wrong – “Red One” has the kind of digital gloss and background-viewing pacing that marks most streaming releases. At a reported budget of $250 million, though, no film should look this bad, let alone feel this lackluster. But at this point, we know what to expect from these kinds of big-budget Hollywood releases, which includes a lot of dodgy CGI hidden under cinematography that’s either dotted with lens flares or so dark you can barely see anything, movie stars who are more of a brand than a performer coasting on their name recognition and charisma, and a tongue-in-cheek tone that keeps telling you to have fun instead of actually being fun. At this point, it’s clear that these aren’t bugs but features of Streaming Age Hollywood Content. The fact that “Red One” can’t fully commit to being as weird as its wildest ideas are is all the proof you need that its makers see it more as a piece of product than a piece of art. Not every film has to be art, but it’d be nice if they could make product that had more life to it than this empty exercise in Christmas franchise starting.
